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You Should Start A Blog!

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That’s what I heard. So I did it! It only took me a bazillion years. Alright, not exactly! Only about 14 hours. But hey, who’s counting?

Did you know you could learn most anything on YouTube? It’s true!

I listened to a YouTube video about how to start a blog on my long drive yesterday. I love YouTube Videos. It was great and the guy made it seem somewhat simple. Did I mention I am technologically challenged? I had to buy a domain, purchase a host and a platform. Something like that anyway. I had to google just to get a little understanding.

My guys (husband and 2 sons) were gone hunting and fishing last night. That gave me time all to myself to dedicate to creating the blog. I could do this! I hoped.

I started last night around 8:00 p.m. and worked on it until about 9:30 last night. The YouTube video said at a certain point I’d have to stop for 2 – 4 hours so something I didn’t understand could happen. So when I got to that point, I stopped, jumped in the shower and went to bed. I’d finish it in the morning.

At 3:00 a.m. I woke up. I tossed and I turned. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I decided to check on my blog progress. It had been more than 4 hours and I was excited to see my accomplishment.

Dang! Something was wrong. I messed with it and messed with it. No luck. I called the host company. It was 3:15 in the morning! The tech support wasn’t very helpful. I’m sure my starting out with…”Hello, I watched this YouTube video about starting your own blog and I’m having problems” didn’t help and it was 3:15 in the morning. I could hear what was coming out of my mouth as I was talking to this technology guru. I knew I sounded a little crazy. The guy said “What is your domain name?” I paused. Holy cow! Why did I choose THAT domain name? Now I really feel crazy! I stated, “Sweet Side of Crazy.” I was a little embarrassed and giggled on the inside. He didn’t laugh. He looked at my information and told me all this technical stuff. I told him I didn’t really understand and as far as I was concerned it sounded like he was speaking Spanish. That didn’t go over so well. He repeated it again. Still Spanish. I said “let me teach back to make sure I understand” because that’s what we do as nurses. I honestly thought he might see what a poor job he was doing of helping me. It certainly wasn’t me and my YouTube education. I tried to repeat what he said. Yeah, I didn’t get it and he didn’t get that he wasn’t doing a good job. I was kind of mad at the YouTube guy. He recommended this company.

The guy on the phone told me I should call the company I purchased the domain from. I asked him if he could at least send me an email with instructions or something. He said he would. We hung up.

I checked my email and opened what he sent me. No attachments. Just a link that I couldn’t click on. I had to copy and paste into the browser. Error message. Well, that wasn’t helpful. I emailed him back and told him so. It made me feel better. Oh nice, another email. His company sent me a survey. Two questions and I answered both. They didn’t score so well.

I called the company I purchased the domain from. The guy was much nicer. By this time it was almost 4:00 a.m. Thank goodness. Maybe I wouldn’t sound so crazy. I did. I repeated the same information as I did to the first company. This guy was nice and helpful. He didn’t speak a foreign language to me. He actually walked me through it and corrected my issue. I’m thankful for nice helpful people. And by the way – the domain company also hosts so needless to say – I switched companies.

Hooray for nice helpful people! I liked that nice guy!

That was only the beginning. Hours and hours and hours later – Happy Blogging! I think.

Mother’s death

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Mother

Wednesday evening, April 1st 2015 (yes – April Fool’s day), I received the dreaded news I’d been mentally trying to prepare myself for over the last several years. The one where I hear “they found your mother dead.” I know those words sound harsh and hard. Saying “passed away” sounds much softer. But that’s not what I heard because her life wasn’t soft and gentle. She didn’t just pass away.  Her death  was hard and tragic just like she lived. Addiction steals and brings ugly hard dark stuff.

Down deep, she was a scared, disappointed, lonely, hurt young girl. She covered it by drinking and drugging and showing her mean, hard, ugly ,scary junk. Some could see through to the kinder gentler person but not all got the chance.

No matter how much you try to prepare – you are never really prepared for the finality – no matter the circumstances.

This is one of my favorite pictures of her. She looks happy and still has a spark in her eye. It was before she became completely powerless to the substances that controlled her. It was before her life was so dark. It was before a little girl was robbed of her mother and before little boys were robbed of a grandmother they would really never know. She was also robbed. Probably more than any of us. She never got to experience the real joys of being a wife, mother or grandmother. I think back to all the things she missed in life. I don’t believe she ever made it to one of my boys games- little league through high school. She missed kindergarten graduations, Mason’s HS graduation, school programs, birthdays, my college graduation, the big stuff and the small stuff. I don’t remember her really being at much.

I believe she would have if she could have. She just couldn’t. She was submerged in darkness. My heart has always hurt for her and what could have been. She lost so much in this old world.

She had the best sense of humor and was one of the funniest people I’ve ever known. She always made me laugh. She was the most resourceful person I know. She thought she was one of the toughest people in the world and maybe she was.  

I am thankful for God’s strategic placement of people who took care of me when she couldn’t. I’m thankful for people who took care of her when I couldn’t. I’m thankful for my wonderful family and friends who teach me so much. I’m thankful for all the lessons she never meant to teach me but did anyway. I’m thankful for God’s grace, love and forgiveness.

I’m thankful my mother finally has peace and is whole again. I know she was God’s child and battled the ugliness for so long.

Sometimes we look at people like mother with disgust and judgment.  These people who suffer addiction face battles and darkness most of us you will thankfully never know personally.  It’s a terrible vicious cycle of darkness, dispare, hope, unforgiveness (of self and others) hard work and battle after battle after battle. 

My prayers are with all of you (and your family and friends) whose lives have been forever changed because of this terrible tragic disease.

You can beat this. Reach for the light and surround yourself with people who lift you up.  And most of all forgive. Forgive yourself for everything you’re still hanging on too and forgive those who hurt you. God never intended for any of us to suffer through this.

Much love and hugs!

Kandy