“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie

Isn’t that beautiful?

Life is hard. Life can be cruel and ugly. But life is also beautiful and sweet. I’ve learned I have two choices. I can either let what life hands me defeat me and spread more ugliness or I can sift through the junk and find the sweetness. There’s always sweetness. It may be buried deep in the ugly but it is there. I don’t want to hand ugliness to my boys to carry forward. I want to break negative generational family cycles. So that keeps me digging…well that and I want to keep my sanity. But sanity is debatable.

We make really stupid choices sometimes. We do really dumb things. Sometimes it’s hard for us to forgive ourselves or others for those things. How can we so easily accept God’s grace and forgiveness when we don’t extend grace and forgiveness to others? Be grateful for God’s grace and forgiveness AND extend it to others as well. Otherwise – you’re speaking out of both sides of your mouth.

My sweet friend Dewayne posted this on Facebook today…”I said to the Lord this morning, Lord I have done so much wrong in my life. And he said to me, Dewayne, I have done so much right. And my rights are so much bigger than your wrongs. And I am yours and you are mine. So moral of the story…no matter what you have done, what you’re doing or what you’re going through – his love is greater, bigger and more powerful than any obstacle in front of you. Choose Jesus and you win.” Isn’t Dewayne smart? He’s also kind and loving. And if you knew his story…this would be even more powerful. Dewayne’s thorn bush is full of beautiful roses.

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” – Abraham Lincoln

I’ve also learned – what we look for is what we’ll find. The days I have spent cranky and focusing on the junk…I find myself completely surrounded by negativity. But the opposite holds true as well. When I spend my day focusing on the positive…I am overcome by the beauty in each day.

It’s easy to be grateful for the good stuff in your life when you have plenty of money to buy the things your heart desires…fancy things, exotic travels, nice cars, gorgeous homes and you have a healthy family. But can you still be grateful when you are struggling and can’t afford to pay your bills? What about when someone you love is sick or has been diagnosed with a devastating disease…or has an injury with a long recovery period…or when someone you love has been ripped out of your life? Are you able to show gratitude then? Are you able to be grateful when it rains, snows or when you hit every red light? Anyone can be grateful when things are going their way. The true test is when things aren’t going your way…are you still able to find the sweet stuff?   It’s okay to be sad, to grieve or be frustrated or angry when bad things happen. But the important thing is – don’t get stuck in the negativity. Don’t let the ugliness rob you of your joy or ability to find the beauty.

There is always a lesson. Sometimes is slaps you on the forehead and other times you have to really dig for it but it’s always there. Watch for it. Search for it. Be grateful for it. It’s super valuable.

Sometimes it can be like digging for diamonds. It takes a while. It hardly seems worth it, days spent up to your knees in mud, digging, washing, searching the gravel for diamonds. But when you find that beauty, that valuable lesson…it’s worth more than you ever dreamed.

Life lessons – embrace them. Let them polish you and bring out your shine.

If you feel like life your life circumstances have left you mistreated, cheated and robbed – how long will you allow your past to keep you locked up? Make a decision today to find the sweetness in every single day. You will notice the more you seek it– the more sweetness you will find.

I don’t always understand the bad things that have happened in my life. But I have faith that God will take those bad things and create goodness from them. Some of that goodness has already been revealed to me. I may not ever understand some things that occur in this old world but when I get to heaven…I have a whole list of questions. So until that day…when something bad happens or when I’m living through a difficult time. I go on treasure hunts looking for the jewels. I always find them. But if I go looking for poop – I can find that too. I prefer the jewels.

Think back to the negative things that have happened over your life. Can you recognize the good that came from those things? Are you able to see how you lived a little deeper, were a little more kind, compassionate, more caring and more forgiving? Those are the most valuable lessons of all.

“Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good.” – Maya Angelou

Finding the Sweet Side of Crazy!

Kandy

Mother was pleasant almost giddy on the phone. I wasn’t sure what she was taking but this was better than vodka. She wasn’t mean like vodka made her. I listened as she told me about her newest provider. Audrey had been gone a while now. She had been the best provider Mother had. She really cared and treated her well. She showed her love. Mother really liked Audrey and I liked her too. But now, Mother was on her third or fourth provider in a couple of months. I couldn’t tell if they were as bad as Mother said they were or if Mother was so mean to them – they refused to go back. It was probably both. Mother could be mean. If you made her mad or she felt threatened all kinds of ugly scary words would come rolling out of her mouth. But nonetheless she still hadn’t found the right provider. Good ones were hard to find. They work in difficult situations helping people with household tasks and bathing. They are not paid much.

“Oh, I got my new provider. She’s kind of lazy. I asked her to move a chair for me and she told me she didn’t want to mess up her nails. She told me there wasn’t any reason I couldn’t move my own chair.” Mother stated. I giggled to myself. I could hear the whole conversation playing out in my head. Mother wasn’t one to take any junk from anyone. She was older and wasn’t as strong as she use to be but she was still scrappy and would give you a good cussing and pick up her cane and hit you with it. She wasn’t afraid to be mean.

Mother continued… “She needs a baby sitter. She said she’d pay me twenty dollars a week to watch her kids. She’ll bring snacks and stuff.” Holy Cow! The warnings in my head were going crazy now. Mother, who didn’t raise her own child, who was drunk or messed up most of the time, had roaches, and couldn’t take care of her own self was going to watch someone else’s small children!!! Oh my goodness! “Mother, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Kids are hard. I don’t think you should watch them. She really needs to find someone else.” My heart hurt thinking of those small kids and wondering what was wrong with that Mother/provider that she would even begin to think it was okay to leave those kids with Mother. It wasn’t safe. Mother couldn’t care for them and she had all kinds of different people in and out of her house. Really nice people who tried to help her and scary mean people who tried to keep her using and drinking. Mother replied…”yeah, you’re probably right.” And soon we ended the conversation.

After several weeks, Mother informed me that provider wouldn’t be back. Something about the provider had raised a fist to Mother or something like that. More craziness.

It wasn’t long before she was telling me about the next provider…“She took me to Red Lobster for my birthday.” Warning!!! Something’s not right! A provider making minimum wage taking a complete stranger to Red Lobster for her birthday. Mother continued…“She cut my hair and colored it for me too.” Well that was nice…I thought. I tried to decipher in my mind…was I just being overly critical or was this new provider up to no good? I knew there were nice people in the world. However, I also knew the type of people mother tended to run with and attract. Mother continued –“Oh, she’s so nice. You should see my hair. Wasn’t that nice, Kandy? She took me to Red Lobster.” Hmmm…Something’s not right, was all I could think. “Yes, that was nice.” I stated.

Not too long after, I drove the two hours to check on mother. The new provider was there. She was driving a nice Escalade. More alarms. Something just wasn’t right. But maybe she was just a nice lady whose husband had a great job and she just did this for extra money and to give back. Maybe I was just being critical and feeling guilty because she appeared to be doing more for Mother than what I was. The lady was nice enough. Something still felt weird.

Over the course of several weeks and conversations, Mother continued to tell me how nice the provider was. “She took me to several doctor’s appointments and even took me to the ER.” I had multiple warnings going off in my head. Something was up. This person sounded like she was grooming mother for something. I hated being so skeptical and critical but that’s what the world of addiction had taught me. Beware. I knew something was up. Mother continued “I hope she comes today. She owes me twenty dollars.” Hold up! “Why does she owe you money? Mother, you don’t have anything to give her.” Besides, I thought to myself – she drives an Escalade. Why would she be taking money from Mother who lives on a tiny amount of money? I knew something was wrong. Mother kept talking and finally let it slip… That nice provider had been taking mother to the doctor’s appointments – not to be nice but for the pills. She was using Mother to get prescription medications she could sell. Or most likely – they were using each other. She was giving mother some of the earnings. That’s why she owed mother money. I sat with my jaw dropped and infuriated. I had previously worked as a regulator for the type of company the provider worked for. Now here my own Mother was conspiring with a provider that was hired to provide care to people who were unable to care for themselves. I was truly amazed that I could still be surprised.

I hung up with mother. I immediately called the Administrator at the agency. I informed her what was going on and suggested she investigate because I was pretty sure the provider was selling to some of her other clients. I was mortified. My mother was driving me crazy!

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry! So I did both. The more mother’s addiction escalated the crazier the stories got. When I told people the stories… I could hear my words. I could see their expressions…I knew how crazy it sounded. How crazy I sounded. It’s always nice to connect to another ACOA – they get it. They can laugh and cry with you. They get the craziness. They get the inappropriate laughs. They don’t judge the craziness. They get it.

“I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.” – Cat Stevens

Still trying to find the sweet side of that crazy!

Kandy