Today was Pajama Day! It’s one of my most favorite days. It’s the day I replenish. I’m an introvert and going too much exhausts me.   Some people thrive and excel with busyness. Not me. It drains me…emotionally and physically. Don’t’ get me wrong. I love my friends and family and spending time with them. I just have to have time to catch up with myself and lately my life has been super crazy. Most days, I’m gone from my home more than I am in it. I don’t like that. I like being at home.

So this morning…

I woke up, stumbled in the kitchen, made myself a cup coffee and crawled back in bed to enjoy. Because it was pajama day!!!!! And I love pajama day!

Did you hear a familiar tune in that sentence? It reminded me of an old song I listened to as a child and it made me smile…

“Tumble out of bed and stumble to the kitchen, pour myself a cup of ambition and yawn and stretch and try to come to life. Jump in the shower and the blood starts pumpin’, out on the streets the traffic starts jumpin’ for folks like me on the job from 9 to 5.”

 When I was younger, I used to listen to that song over and over on an old eight track. That seems like light years away.

 Pajama day is the day I don’t leave my home at all…all day long. I claim it! It’s my day and I don’t leave. I don’t fix my hair, put on makeup or get dressed. I shower and put on my very favorite soft comfy pajamas and I do things I need to do to replenish and regroup. I leave my outside self undone to work on my inside self. It’s amazing. It’s the day I try to regain my sanity.

I wander from inside to the great outdoors to back inside again. I go back to my bed frequently to read, work through things, think, and process. It helps me replenish all that I have poured out in all of my many roles over the last few days, weeks or months since my last pajama day. Lately I’ve been dreaming of escaping to a little cottage by the sea in England or Scotland. Doesn’t that sound dreamy and relaxing? But the truth is my most favorite place on earth is my home.

Today for Pajama day, I worked on catching up with online classes, blogging,  preparing for an oil class I have tomorrow afternoon, thinking and processing through junk.

Then, in the middle of trying to regain my sanity, I was notified of something that I don’t believe was handled in the right way or within policy. I was so frustrated and upset – not for me but because it wasn’t fair for someone else. I sent out a couple of texts to my “crazy whispers” because my crazy was brewing and I needed help. Things that are unfair and unjust seriously make me crazy. I know…that’s life. It’s crazy and it’s just not fair. I understand that really well. But some things are controllable and people just do dumb stuff. That’s the part that irritates me. Especially when their dumb stuff affects others in a negative way. I was frustrated. No, I was beyond frustrated. I was very irritated. It wasn’t handled appropriately. So I made a phone call to find out what the next step was.

I dialed the number. I knew it wasn’t the department I needed to speak with but they could give me guidance. A sweet girl answered the phone. I started explaining the situation. She was kind. I liked her. She was listening. I explained more…bottom line – policy wasn’t followed and a son was separated from his mother in a business (I know this doesn’t make sense but I can’t explain- without sharing too much. Besides – it’s not the point). I asked “Am I making any sense?” She replied with a sweet “yes.” I kept going… Then in the middle of explaining… I started crying. Whoa! Where did that come from? In the middle of explaining to that sweet girl – I was crying. Then out of nowhere I blurted out… “and my mother just died in April.”  Holy Cow! I shocked myself and desperately wanted to scoop those words up and put them back in my mouth where they came from. What the heck did that have to do with anything? That sweet girl was kind and compassionate. She gave me the information I was seeking – about who to contact. I wondered what that sweet girl would have said if I would have told her I have a blog and the name of it included the word crazy. The thought made me laugh. I needed to laugh. I was thankful for that conversation. Even if I was mad.

Unfairness mixed with frustration always make me cry. But just maybe the root of my tears was deeper than this. Maybe me blurting out that awkward statement had to do with my grief. Grief I wasn’t prepared for. My mother and I had been separated by a dumb decision – her dumb decision to begin using drugs and alcohol. And here I was today in a totally unrelated situation that had nothing to do with my mother, my relationship with her or drugs and alcohol. But somehow deep down – I think they were related in my mind. The mind is a powerful thing. It’s deep, I know. It’s pajama day. Pajama day is deep. Really deep.

I vowed not to stop until the wrong was righted. And I won’t. I’m resourceful. That’s something I got from mother. I’m determined and stubborn too.

Grief is a crazy thing. The sadness, guilt and mix of emotions rear their ugly head when you least expect them. And aside from grief – we all have a little crazy. We try hard to push it down and tame it. But sometimes it just creeps out and starts showing itself. It’s important to surround our self with other people who help us through the craziness and don’t fuel it. It’s important to help others through their crazy too. We’ve all got it. It’s the ones who think they are totally sane we should be worried about. They don’t recognize their own crazy. But others do. Because we all have it.

Last week I showed up for a meeting with some girls I love. I started by saying – I shouldn’t be here. I really should be in therapy. I’m seriously losing my mind. They were awesome. They listened. I cried again. The next day, I had a pajama day. I felt totally rejuvenated.

I’m so thankful for pajama days, crazy whisperers, friends, family, sweet compassionate people, humor and tears. Tears are cleansing for the soul you know.

Have yourself a pajama day.

Finding the sweet side of crazy!

Kandy